“I’ve been wanking all night.”

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I want you to stop and think. How many scenes can you remember on the top of your head that involve a girl masturbating? We don’t even need to go that far. Just try to remember the last time you heard female masturbation being mentioned in mainstream TV. If it was mentioned with a shaming purpose it doesn’t count. 

In episode 6 season 1 of sex education popular girl blonde Amee is asked what she wants while having sex. “I’ve never been asked that before” the character recognizes, worried. How are you meant to enjoy sex if you have never figured what you enjoy in the first place? How are women meant to own and enjoy their sexuality if pleasure is always linked to what a guy wants? 

If I can remember any mentions of female masturbation in mainstream TV, they were only placed there to shame the girls who did it. Apparently, according to society, if you decide to own your own pleasure, surprise surprise… you’re a slut. 

The connotation to the word slut is a fight for another time. This time my rage is directed to shaming girls for touching themselves. What a shame. Nature has given you something with the only purpose of giving you pleasure, and you don’t enjoy it – What a loss in my opinion!

Masturbation is not a question of what you are supposed to do or what you’re supposed not to do. It is a question of what you want to do with your own body. It is a question of letting people choose how they use their own sexuality, how they explore it on their own, and whether they want to or not.

But it should not be determined by gender. If you’re a guy you’re expected to and labelled weird if you don’t. If you’re a girl, you should not masturbate, and if you do, you’re weird. Neither one nor the other is what I think masturbation should be like. I mean, is anyone really allowed to judge what you do with your body in your own time and your own space? I don’t think so. 

I remember my career in sexuality having a pretty rough start. Nobody had taught me what consent was. I didn’t know what I liked. I didn’t even know that I was supposed to enjoy it. And I’m pretty sure most first sexual encounters of most girls who read this, will be pretty similar. 

How sad. Always being told that you should provide pleasure to someone else while never acknowledging that the most important pleasure is your own. How unfair. Society is changing. Now there are more portrayals of female sexuality. Thank God we’ve moved on. And by this, I don’t mean everyone’s situation has to be like mine, or that all girls have been given the wrong message. 

But we still haven’t figured out that we need to talk about consent, or what the connections between consent and masturbation are. I got to the conclusion that consent is defined by enjoyment. Whatever you’re doing, sexually speaking, should be enjoyed. By as many parts as there are involved in the equation. And if someone is not enjoying it, then it is not consensual anymore.

What does female masturbation have to do with all of this, you might ask. Well, I firmly believe that if you teach anyone, a girl or not, to enjoy their sexuality in their own private time, they will know how to extrapolate that pleasure. Extrapolate it to any situation in which someone else is involved. Then you will understand the limits. 

By this, I don’t mean to say that everyone should spend all of their time masturbating – No. What I am trying to say is that everyone should be given a safe space by society to do with their own body whatever they want. What I am saying is that we should stop believing we have a right to judge what people do with their bodies in their own time. 

After my rough start in the world of sex, I discovered masturbation. I realised it was a lot more fun than I thought it was. I had always been intrigued, but always thought I was not meant to do it. Masturbating, I mean. A lot of years have gone by, and now it is something I will never give up. 

It has helped me shape who I am and owning my sexuality. Knowing what I want and what I don’t. I only wish someone had told me this before. I wish someone would’ve told me something about sex education. Something other than: wear a condom or you’ll get pregnant. I’m not saying that using protection is not important, but there’s a lot more to sexuality than pregnancy. 

There is pleasure involved in sex. There always should be, or at least that’s what I think. If you’re reading this and you never thought owning your sexuality could be an option, watch sex education, and investigate. It will only be to your own benefit. Don’t believe there are strict rules that define if you should or shouldn’t masturbate. That’s something only you can determine, nobody else can.

4 thoughts on ““I’ve been wanking all night.”

  1. This is a very great point and message that more girls need to learn about and understand. There is no shame in enjoying your own body and discovering what pleasures you. Masturbation should be as natural for girls/women as it is for boys/men.

    Times have definitely changed and we have seen an embracement of female sexuality, long overdue.

    Thank you for sharing.


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